Oh, the Agony!


Today I am struggling with my inner voice. You know the one. It’s that one that keeps getting on your case because you aren’t doing much. It’s nagging at you that you’re wasting time and not doing anything. I hate that one. But, today I really have no choice. Well, actually, it’s been since Thursday. I’ve made a rookie mistake, and now I’m very thankful for the foresight I had when planning on getting back into running. My mistake is that I listened to some bad advice instead of trusting my own instincts and I failed to stretch properly before I started running a few weeks ago. I now have a case of runner’s knee. It’s not too bad, just painful. For the last several days I’ve been making sure to take Ibuprofen and rest it as much as possible. Today I’m in a compression bandage and resting it some more, keeping it elevated and such. It’s my right knee which I found ironic since it’s my left knee I’ve been concerned with, but true to form my body is being contrary. The good news is that there’s been no swelling or grinding or popping noises which are all associated with runner’s knee, just the pain. But it’s getting less. Sunday was the worst day. Today is much better in the pain department. So I”m hopeful I’ll be back running soon.

Unfortunately, this leaves me having to sit a lot and be still. Normally that’s not hard to do. I’ve never had any problems being still. But that was when it was my choice. Now that it’s not my choice I’m really having a hard time being able to do it. There’s so much I need to be doing, and I’m being forced to sit and let others help. That’s something that is a real challenge for me. I’m so used to having to do things for myself that letting go of that control and asking for help is a real issue, a real struggle for me. Yet, here I am, going with the flow and giving in as gracefully as I am able to. I realize its something to work on in myself and I’m trying to see it, not as giving in, but as in receiving a gift of hospitality, of compassion and kindness from others. Sometimes, I forget that I need those things from people, too. So, today I’m trying to remember that.

The other problem I’m facing is that I’m restless. I want to be up doing things. So, I thought about it and realized I can work from my desk while resting my leg. Everything else is going to have to wait. I’ve even got my whole set up here. I can watch movies on the tv and I have a little bit of knitting (yes, I’m old-fashioned that way-I’m making a baby blanket for my other niece Kyristen) and after I get through writing this post I’ll open up a blank Word page and wait for inspiration to hit. What I discovered last night is that while I was working on this blanket for my niece’s son, I was able to clear my mind, and I ended up with a couple of new pieces. I also continued on a story I’m working on. The problem with working on the story is that I need peace and quiet for that, and with boys running in and out asking for something, there’s not really any peace and quiet to be had until they fall asleep. By that time lately, I’m usually out as well. And for the last few days, the littlest one, Ryan, has had a nasty head cold. No fever, thank goodness, but he’s so congested. He’s doing a little better today but he’s being quiet and as still as he can be for a 2 year old with a cold. But, he has his cars and Cars is playing so he’s pretty happy right now. I’m just not sure how many times today I’m going to be able to listen to Life is a Highway today before I crack.

I”m hopeful I’ll be back, physically, before too long. But seriously, someone kick my butt the next time I listen to someone who has no idea what they are talking about. Just because someone seems knowledgeable doesn’t mean they are. Next time, I’ll make sure I ask them for their source of information on the subject. No need to stretch before you run, he said. Right. I’ll be here at my desk for the rest of the day contemplating every single way I am an idiot for listening to that advice and thinking this person might actually know something I didn’t.