Just Not Feeling It


Dear Lunatics,

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I wish I could say that there was a really good reason for why I haven’t written in so long. Well, actually, there are several very good reasons, which I am not going to talk about in a public forum. Basically, life has just been overwhelming. Mostly, though, I just haven’t felt motivated to write. Frankly, I haven’t been motivated to do very much at all lately. I’ve been reading a little bit (Middle English literature, Order of Seven by Beth Teliho, and After Alice by Gregory Maguire), knitting a lot (because it helps me take my mind off of my other problems), and watching movies, among other things. But no writing.

It’s not for lack of inspiration. There’s been plenty of that recently. One week in which it seemed as if there was a death of a celebrity every day is definitely something to write about. And I thought about it. I even composed posts and poems in my head but they never made it onto a single page. Even today, I read about China (Hong Kong) banning the sale of ivory for good. Now that is definitely something to write about, right?

But I’m just not feeling it. Truth to tell, I’m not sure what I feel like except overwhelmed and exhausted and frustrated. Lately all I feel like doing is curling up into a ball and sleeping until everything sorts itself out. Other times I just want to escape to some tropical island and lay around on the beach under the sun with the ocean surf in my ears and the sun on my skin and forget about everything for a while. Maybe I need a vacation.

What do you do when you are “just not feeling it”?

A part of me wants to write, it really does, and I’ve had some good ideas recently but I almost deliberately don’t record them in any fashion. So I forget them. In a way, I’m consciously sabotaging myself. Has this ever happened to you?

For now, I’m just going to keep on reading and knitting and working through things. I know I’ll get back into writing when I’m ready. Until then I’ll have some good material to feed my mind and soul, and something pretty and colorful to work on and give to someone when it’s completed.

I am still here.

xo Jesi