Today is the beginning of Camp NaNoWriMo for the US. I’m actually excited about it. It’s my first time and I’m curious to see how it goes. It’s one more goal I’ve set for myself and I think it’s pretty doable. The word count goal I’ve set for myself is 30,000 words. I’ve already discussed what I’m going to be doing for Camp in a previous post so I won’t repeat here. If you are a camper look me up. My username is Jesikay. Good luck to everyone!
I was thinking about the camp last night, which led me to think about all the good things that have come into my life since my dad passed away. Lately, I keep feeling a little impatient that I’m not writing as much as I should or as much as I could be. I feel as if I’m wasting lots of time, but then I look at how much has happened since November of last year, and my mind is blown away. I have lost lots of weight. I signed up for a 5k run and began training for it. I began a new blog and have been writing in it as often as I can. I joined a writer’s group, and already have written more poetry in just a few short months than I did in one year. I have two full stories I am developing into something larger, and I have one short story I am working on as well. I did a poetry/prose reading. I am hoping to have a small ebook collection of my poetry out before the end of the year. I am participating in my first Camp NaNoWriMo. I joined my first gym. This summer, I plan on learning tennis (another goal I had back in my teens). I will be going to Chicago in June to run the same 5k run again. I went from having only one friend living about 30 minutes away, to having a couple of new friends living close by. You guys, that’s a lot of stuff that’s happened to me in four months. What will the next 8 months bring? I can’t wait to find out.
I guess that’s why I chose Tony Robbin’s quote. I set one goal for myself: to run in The Color Run in April. Then I began blogging at around the same time. The next thing I know, I’m training for the run and eating better. A door of opportunity disguised as a writer’s group presented itself in the most interesting of ways, and I stepped through and haven’t looked back. One thing happened, then another, and another. It’s as if there really is a magnet somewhere around me attracting all of these good things. And lets not forget all of these wonderful new people and friends I am meeting. I don’t know if good things happen to good people or not, but I would like to hope that the change in my perspective and my new-found happiness is also attracting things. I love waiting to see what’s around the corner now because even if it isn’t what I expect, it’s something that is going to help me reach my goals. That includes all of the hardships as well. They push us further forward on our journey, though we fight it. I’m learning to flow and let the current lead me, and things have been smoother than when I fight against it. Take me wherever I am meant to be; I am ready.
Another thing I was thinking about was something my friend Amber and I talked about yesterday. We were texting each other all day, and something she said in one of her texts sort of put something into perspective for me. We were talking about my running and I was telling her that this week I need to begin waking up really early so I can get in a run. I’ve been running in the late afternoons after my 14 year old gets home so he can watch his brothers for the 30-40 minutes I am gone. This week, however, the temperature is supposed to be in the low to mid 80’s (that’s degrees Fahrenheit). For me, that makes running miserable because our humidity is also at 81% today. Yeah, not so good breathing in all that water. It makes me feel heavy and cumbersome, and running becomes difficult. So, I thought running in the cooler morning temperature would be easier to take with the humidity. That’s the plan. I was telling Amber about getting up that early and she responded by telling me that I was dedicated. I answered back that it’s not dedication, it’s just determination. Me, dedicated? Ha. No, I’m just stubborn, and I intend to meet my goal. Yet, thinking about that now, I see that I was wrong. Determination plays a large role in meeting your goals. That means that you are going to do whatever it takes to make sure you reach them. That’s dedication. You continue working hard, you continue being determined (eyes on the prize, as it were), and due to your dedication, to the commitment you made with yourself to do what it takes, your goal becomes an achievement. So, yesh, I guess I am dedicated to my goal. Thank you Amber, for making me see that.
And you know what? Everything is showing me how I am so much more than I thought I was five months ago. My dad’s death, hard as it was, has worked one great miracle: it opened me up to seeing how, to him, I was already ‘enough’. I didn’t need to be more than I was. He was proud of me as I was. He loved me no matter what, and though I saw disappoinment in the mirror, he saw me. It took me a couple of months after he was gone to realize that. Then, this other amazing thing happened. I looked in my mirror, at the woman staring back at me, and I discovered that I was the one who wasn’t proud of myself. I was the one unhappy with my circumstances. So, I began to make those changes I knew I needed to change. Every day now I am waking up with a glad heart, and a happy one. I look at the woman in the mirror, the only person who knows my true self, and I love her. I still have a long way to go, but she has come so far already. I am proud of her. She has always been the best of me, even in my worst, and she was always amazing. I just didn’t see it at the time. We both still have a problem understanding why people keep saying we’re talented, but we’re glad people are liking what we have created. I can’t wait to see her in the mirror every day and look her in the eyes because I know she’s proud of me, too. She’s my biggest fan, and has believed in me all this time, though I didn’t always trust her. She will always be there for me, and we will reach our goals and make our dreams come true.
Think back to January 1st of this year. What were your goals? Did you dedicate yourself to them? If not, there’s always time. Go look in the mirror at the person standing before you. Do you recognize the stranger in the mirror? Can you even look him/her in the eye? Do you love what you see? Go think about what you’d like to accomplish and set some long term and short term goals. Then dedicate yourself to them. Do whatever it takes to reach them. You are worth it. And that person you see in the mirror? Well, they will still love you no matter what. Just trust them. Trust yourself. Go become a magnet and see what you attract.
P.S. I also hope you all have a fun April Fool’s Day!