Heartaches By The Dozen

 

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The thought occurred to me this morning that I don’t have much time left with my kids. I watched Son #3 get on his bus this morning and a small pang went through my heart. How many more times do I get to watch him wave to me as his bus goes by? My two elder boys were done waving to mom the moment they entered Kindergarten, but not my Zombie Hunter. He has waved to me every day he’s gone to school since he first began attending it. Even when I drive him there and drop him off. And he won’t go in the school building until he’s seen me wave back at him. He’s in the fifth grade this year. And today, it hit me…my time with him as a child is coming to a close. It’s heartbreaking.

Yes, I’ve been through this moment twice before. My two older boys grew up way too fast. But with Son #3, it’s been different. He’s the most cheerful of them all. He’s more loving and touchable. He never goes to bed at night without coming in for a hug, something we both need every day. Even (especially) when we’ve both had a hard day and aren’t liking each other very much. (Yes, you heard me correctly. Some days I don’t like my kids and they don’t like me. That’s part and parcel of being a family. But I love them in spite of everything.) In a way, he’s stayed more childlike than my others. By this same age, both my older sons were letting me know they could “do it themselves,” and being the kind of mom I am, I let them. Not Jack. Jack has been rather happy to be dependent on me for several things, except this year he’s started doing more and more on his own without asking me, or anyone else, to do it for him. He’s growing up, and it hurts like the dickens. (Or is that Dickens? 😉 )

I can’t even imagine what it’s going to be like when Tornado gets to this point. Well, I might have some idea. He’s very independent already. He doesn’t like anyone helping him though he likes to help other people. Still, he likes to cuddle and be read to and sung to. (I just smile whenever he asks me to sing to him because “it takes the bad dreams out of his head.”) I am going to completely miss those days whenever he stops wanting those things. And that will be sooner than I wish as he begins school in September. (By the way, why haven’t we Americans not changed the school year to begin in January yet? We don’t have to take in consideration harvesting season anymore and it would seriously just make more sense.)

Sigh.

If the time turner I received for Christmas actually worked, I think I’d go back and revisit my kids being little all over again.

Happy Wednesday!

Jesi