I woke up when my alarm went off this morning at 6 am and I lay in bed thinking about how sleepy I was and how I needed another hour of sleep. If I want my kids to take the bus to school then I have to get them up at 6 am every day, and Jack makes it a challenge almost every morning. If I don’t care about the bus then I can sleep in until 7 am, get everybody up and I can drive them to school myself. But then I have to get dressed and get out the door and we have less time to get ready to leave for school if I do that. This morning I seriously contemplated it, though. But then I heard this voice in my head say, “Get up Jess. You got this.” So I did. I got up, got Jack up since Lock got himself up this morning, and we started our morning routine. Generally that consists of me yelling up the stairs for Jack to get up at least 3 times before I have to go upstairs and pull the blankets off of him while he complains the whole time. In between that I’m trying to get his lunch made, breakfast ready, and try to get something to eat myself. Lock, being 14, does it all himself. I love that now. I didn’t use to but it helps and saves me so much time now, especially when I have to cajole, wheedle, and then finally lay down the law with a stubborn 9 year old version of myself. By the time I get him out the door and on the bus I’m ready to go back to bed, and do rather often lately, for an hour before getting up and starting my day with the 2 year old tornado and work. The hardest part of every day for me is getting up when that alarm goes off since I go to bed so late. But getting up is necessary, and I do it every day after contemplating the myriad reasons why I could sleep another hour.
We do that a lot, try to find ways of getting out of doing what is necessary for whatever reasons we can come up with, don’t we? Some days it’s just really hard to get those simple things done, things that need to be done and that we know we should do. Currently, I’ve been looking ahead and realizing that with the sun already beginning to lighten the sky around 6:30 am here, it won’t be long before these 70°F days turn into 80°F and then 100°F days. Running at those temps will be miserable for me because I have a hard time breathing when it becomes too hot outside. At least when it’s really humid here. I’m not looking forward to it. That means that I will have two options. First, I can get up an hour earlier and run in the mornings, or second, I can wait until the sun goes down and run at night. Out of those two choices I really don’t think running at night to be my best option. But I’m not really looking forward to getting up at 5 am either. Well, really it would be more like 4:45 am so I can dress and stretch before running. However, it’s my best option for running here in Texas since the mornings will be much cooler during the summer. I have definitely enjoyed running in the cold weather, which I was surprised at. So, this will also be a necessary thing for me to do. Yet, it’s also quite possible to do. Plus, I really do enjoy the silence at that time of morning. You’re alone with yourself and your thoughts. To see the sun rise and the world come to life on a new day is, well, it’s a miracle unto itself, and awesome and breathtaking. I used to be up at 4 and 5 in the morning when I was in my teens just so I could watch the sun rise and experience that gift, and it is indeed a gift. I’ve sort of lost that feeling among the everyday goings on that life brings. I may not be looking forward to forcing myself up at first, but I bet I begin to enjoy it sooner than I think since it was such a special thing once upon a time in my life.
If you had told me a year ago that this is where I’d be in my life I would have told you that’s impossible. That I’d be not only running every day I could, but that I’d want to and that I’d love it? Yeah. A year ago that was impossible. Yet here I am today doing what I would have thought impossible. If I’d been told I’d be in a writing group, that I’d be brunette instead of my natural blonde, that I’d be writing and have a new blog, and that I’d have this completely different outlook on life, I would have thought almost all of that to be impossible. I didn’t have the drive, though I had the desire. I didn’t have the confidence, and I think that’s been where a lot of my success has come from. I talked to my mom yesterday and she’s overjoyed at what I’m accomplishing now. She loves this new side of me and is glad that I’m finally doing something more constructive for myself, that I’m not just talking the talk. I know I’m not doing big things, yet. But just wait and see what I do later. That’s my new attitude. I’ve always known I can do what’s necessary, but not the impossible. What I am doing these days are my impossibilities from a year ago. Wait and see what impossible things I can do a year from now. I have big dreams and I know not all of them will happen, but the ones I don’t achieve will only be replaced by others that I do.
My possibilities are endless. I know that I can do whatever I set myself to do. It is a mindset, and you can have that same mindset but you have to want it. You have to want it so much that you will do what is necessary to gain it. Then you begin to see the possibilities, and at some point you will look back and see that you have done the impossible. I’m going to borrow a phrase here that I looked up for a friend a while back and that is this: “you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and when you look back you’ve climbed a mountain.” I love this quote. It has been almost a mantra since I found it because it represents those hard times that I’ve gone through and where I want to be eventually. I don’t know what my plans are ten years from now, but I’m making plans for this year. I don’t know what goals I have in mind for five years from now, but I know what I’d like to have accomplished by December. And you know, that’s an undertaking that scares me, which is why I know I will do it. It’s my mountain, and I will do what is necessary to climb it. I will look back and say I did the impossible. Oh, and guess what? I’ve just thought of another impossible thing.