Dark August Suits My Dark Heart

This poem is not my own. It’s by Derek Walcott, and it suits me today. The first lines in the the first two stanzas especially hit me hard in the chest, like a sledgehammer. I am the sun in this poem. My only hope lies in the rest of the poem. Learning to love someone’s darkness as much as you love their light is a hard lesson, and one that does have it’s rewards. But sometimes, the darkness is too overwhelming and their demons are too much for one person to bear. Especially when that one person is fighting their own demons and cannot understand what they did to be held responsible for all of yours as well. The world is crashing down, and dust and emotional debris fills your lungs and chokes you till you can’t breathe, and you’re blinded. So you reach for anything to grasp…a beam of wood, a piece of wall, a hand…but there’s nothing. And so you are left alone in the darkness, and it’s frightening.

 

Dark August

by Derek Walcott

 

So much rain, so much life like the swollen sky
of this black August. My sister, the sun,
broods in her yellow room and won’t come out.

Everything goes to hell; the mountains fume
like a kettle, rivers overrun; still,
she will not rise and turn off the rain.

She is in her room, fondling old things,
my poems, turning her album. Even if thunder falls
like a crash of plates from the sky,

she does not come out.
Don’t you know I love you but am hopeless
at fixing the rain ? But I am learning slowly

to love the dark days, the steaming hills,
the air with gossiping mosquitoes,
and to sip the medicine of bitterness,

so that when you emerge, my sister,
parting the beads of the rain,
with your forehead of flowers and eyes of forgiveness,

all with not be as it was, but it will be true
(you see they will not let me love
as I want), because, my sister, then

I would have learnt to love black days like bright ones,
The black rain, the white hills, when once
I loved only my happiness and you.

5 comments on “Dark August Suits My Dark Heart”

  1. lrconsiderer says:

    Beautiful and totally sledgehammery

    1. Jesi says:

      I’m in a bad place today. The lie is even worse than I thought and I am left reeling. I’ll WhatsApp you when I can get a grip on my emotions.

      1. lrconsiderer says:

        No WhatsApp. I’m so sorry Jesi *HUGE wrap-around hugs* I hope you hang in there my sweet <3 <3

  2. sachacreate says:

    deep my sister the sun she wont come out!!!! ummmmmmm I should of learn to love dark days smh

    1. Jesi says:

      I learned to love them but have also learned that they can drown you.

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