I have to be completely honest. I’m not just tired, I’m so ruddy tired I barely made it out of bed this morning. Even so, it was only to go tell Lock and Jack that I was going to take them to school today instead of making them ride the bus so they could have an extra hour of sleep. Why did I even bother to wake them up? Because I could not think straight and only knew I had to wake them up and tell them. It worked out, though, as Lock ended up getting up anyway. Not that I have to worry about him in the mornings. He’s like I used to be when I was his age. Awake and ready to go within minutes. Thank goodness because Sean, Jack, and Ryan are not that way at all.
Have you ever had a day like that? I’m not talking about when you are sick, or coming down with something. It’s just that bone-tired feeling of complete physical and mental exhaustion. I’m so tired of thinking and worrying and working and taking care of everyone and everything. Honestly, being me is hard. I don’t know how I put up with myself at times. I guess I’ve just been around myself long enough that those annoying things I wouldn’t put up with in another person just doesn’t matter anymore. It’s who I am and I just have to accept it.
In some ways I think living with yourself is like having a pet. You think they’re cute at first, when they are little. But then, they grow up and get bigger and, soon, that cute puppy who couldn’t jump on the bed has chewed up your favorite shoes. The sweet, furry little kitten just clawed the heck out of your brand new couch. Then, you look at their faces and think “thank god they can’t talk because they know things about me I wouldn’t want anyone to know about”. And yet, they love you unconditionally. Of course, this same concept could apply to children as well, except, watch out when they begin talking. You have to either have quick reflexes or a good sense of humor.
There comes a point, though, when you have to learn to discipline yourself. All the worrying I do isn’t healthy for me or anyone around me. And yet, I can’t help it. When you have to take care of everything, worrying is just second nature. Trying to come up with creative ideas for getting the bills paid if there’s been an emergency, making sure the kids have everything they need for school (which has been my recent headache and a complete subject for a separate post), or just simply trying to keep the house cleaned is just draining on a person.
I’m luckier than most, I know. I have enough to eat, the bills do get paid, my kids may be needing new shoes but they have shoes still in wearable condition (boys give a whole new meaning to the term ‘wearable’), and I have a roof over my head and clothes on my back. I really try not to complain, and most days I don’t. But I’m only human and every so often I need a break from being a grown-up. Today I’ve given myself the day off from being a grown-up. Ryan and I had lunch and we are spending the day in bed watching Thomas the Tank Engine. Well, he’s spending the day watching Thomas. I’m listening and planning on dozing once I get this posted. I’m not doing the laundry today, although I did do the dishes because I hate dirty dishes being left all over the place. That and dirty laundry and unworn shoes. When the kids get home we are going to snack on leftovers for dinner and, after they have their homework done and the few little chores that need doing every day (cats being fed, watered, etc…)then we’ll all just relax and go to bed early. I think we’re all in need of a little bit of fun today. Plus, one more day until the weekend although ours is going to be busy with high school and junior high band stuff. But how many kids get to say that they are playing in AT&T Stadium? That’s the name of the new Dallas Cowboys stadium, by the way. (Whatever happened to naming buildings with great names? Like we still call Gexa Energy Pavilion here in Dallas the Starplex Amphitheater, which is its original name. Honestly, creativity has been replaced with advertising which actually needs creativity for it to even work. Another rant there.) The local high school band that I volunteer with has a Freshman Night where they invite the local junior high ninth graders to play with them at a football game during their half-time show. This year it’s being held at the Stadium with the Jumbotron. Lock, being a ninth grader this year, will be playing there this Saturday. It’s a big deal in this area and all the families look forward to it. It is a BIG time investment as it is an all-day event to prepare for but it is so much fun for the kids and so worth all the effort. Lock is so excited about it that he forgot to be mad at me for going in and picking up and throwing away the trash in his room. (It’s that I actually went INTO his room, not that I picked up and threw anything away).
So, that’s where I’ll be. What big plans do you have for this weekend? Hope you have a great weekend even if you plan on sleeping in and doing nothing!