At First Glance
By Jessica Scott
You have a couple. They’ve been together a long time, as in several years. They have accumulated property, pets, and children. They may be married, but they may not be. In today’s society, traditions aren’t as strictly followed anymore. So ,you can never be certain of a couple’s marital status without checking their Facebook wall. If it states, “it’s complicated” that’s a clue.
Let’s say you see this couple at a store. At first glance, they look like any normal couple. They give the appearance of being happy and living well. The woman is smiling and talking while the man seems to listen to her chatter. Take a second look. See the woman’s eyes? Her face may bear a smile, but her it doesn’t reach her eyes. She cannot hide the pain, hurt, and sadness she’s felt, and hid, for years.
Notice his face. He hasn’t really smiled, not once, since you first looked their way. He seems stiff now, hard, almost as if he’s holding himself away from everyone, including his partner. Have you seen him evern once reach for her to touch her in some way? Or has every touch come from the woman, grabbing his hand, laying hers on his arm, even looking at him when she laughs?
How long has she tried to draw him out, to get him to relax and open up to her? How long has he tried to keep himself from getting too close to her for fear she’d reject him the way all of the women he’s ever loved did? If he opens up, shares himself with her, he will let in all of the pain she will cause him. Yet, he fails to see how much pain he puts her through by projecting his conscious, and subconscious, fears onto her. He holds her responsible for the mistakes those women made, as well as her own. Often, his partner feels as if she’s drowning because she knows there’s nothing she can do to heal him. So, she accepts the burden. It’s her sacrifice to him because she loves him. But how long can she carry the burden of another woman’s mistake?
It is all building up. You can see that the dam is going to burst. She needs someone who will see her worth, someone who thinks she’s enough as she is: imperfect but striving to be perfect for that one person. She needs someone who will hold her close, not at arm’s length, and who will let her into his heart without blaming her for her faults, or others. Her faults balance her strengths, and she should be loved for all of it. It’s who she is. That’s how she will love you.
He needs to learn to let go of the past because dwelling on it does no one any good. Holding one person responsible for the pain others caused is not healthy. He needs to learn to how to open up, and how to love himself. He needs to find his own worth, the one she already knows. Then, and only then, should he find someone like her again, someone who accepts him as he is, and loves him in spite of it.
Unfortunately, by that time, she will be gone for he will have let her go, never realizing until too late, what he has lost. And, after the dust has settled and the pain begins to heal, will he realize her worth, and how much she actually meant to him. He will understand how much she truly loved him. And he will cry.
© 2014 Jessica Scott.
All Rights Reserved.